Before you escaped from your marriage to a narcissist, you loved spending time together with your group of married friends. You would hang out at each other’s houses and even take vacations together. But after you left your partner, something started to shift in your friend group—and not for the better. Your once always-available friends disappeared, leaving you in the throes of both mourning your relationship and the bonds you once shared with them. So what do you do when you’ve left your narcissistic spouse, but no one really knows what you went through? It can feel isolating, confusing, and unfair—but there are ways to navigate being a single mom after a narcissistic marriage while protecting yourself emotionally.
It’s one thing to feel left out, but it’s entirely another to see that your ex (and their new girlfriend) still holds a prominent place with your mutual friends. The reason: some of your friends who have never experienced the depths of narcissistic abuse might struggle to understand the situation and inadvertently side with them simply because they don’t know the whole story. It’s not that they don’t care about you—it’s that the reality of this level of abuse is hard to grasp, and they may not know how to respond. And explaining the manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional control you experienced is complicated, draining, and sometimes nearly impossible in casual conversation when everyone (including kids) is together.
That’s why you should start by talking to the one friend in your group you trust the most. “Identify the person who is the most empathetic and may be able to understand your emotions,” says Marcuse. They may have noticed patterns or red flags themselves—and can quietly validate your experience. And because of that, they might help others see your struggles as a single mom in a safe, nonjudgmental way.
But how can you connect with the rest of your friends without it turning into a venting session or a potential smear campaign? Try spending time together—without partners or kids—where you can have real conversations and answer questions in a way that honors your truth but doesn’t turn into a tell-all. “Plan a girls-only outing with your friends,” Marcuse suggests. “It’s a great way to keep relationships alive without relying on them for full support.” For more casual interactions, continuing playdates or coffee meet-ups with children can be a natural way to maintain bonds while honoring your own needs.
Of course, social gatherings where couples are present will continue without you. Seeing everyone together having a great time can sting, especially if your ex appears to be thriving in their new relationship and you’re still grasping the idea of being a single mom and managing custody or logistics with the kids alone. But acknowledging that your friends won’t fully grasp your experience is the first step toward protecting your own emotional well-being. “Separating from good old established friends and from your partner too, that’s a lot of loss,” says Marcuse. “It’s a huge transition in your life and your children’s lives, and it takes a lot to keep yourself afloat.”
Speaking to a therapist can help you navigate these challenges, validate your experiences of abuse, and ease feelings of isolation that can occur as a newly single mom. Connecting with other survivors of narcissistic abuse or trauma-based support groups is another valuable strategy. Says Marcuse: “They’re a great resource of information and an opportunity to expand your social circle with people who truly understand your situation.” Because unless someone has lived it, there really is no way to describe the absolute living hell of being married to—or recovering from—a narcissistic partner.
Although you might miss the comfort and connection you once had with friends, try not to follow your ex’s example and jump into a new relationship just to feel part of the social circle again. Entering a romance to fill a void can create more stress and complicate your healing, which should be your priority right now. Instead, focus on building authentic connections—both with supportive friends and with yourself—so your social circle grows in a way that truly meets your emotional needs.
Being a single mom (and the sole survivor of narcissistic abuse in a circle of friends who’ve never experienced it) can feel isolating. The sudden shift can be difficult to process and may even feel like punishment for leaving your partner. But only you know what you’ve gone through, and while it might take some time for friends to understand, the ones who truly have your back will support you—and that’s what matters the most.
